I tried to learn what happiness meant
but the closer it came,
the more I flinched.
It shimmered like a prize
and felt like a threat.
Nothing is evitable.
Not grief.
Not joy.
Not the eyes that followed me
with quiet verdicts.
Why don’t we feel
the weight of joy
the way we ache for sadness?
Why does pain
arrive like a certainty
while happiness knocks
as if it doesn’t belong?
They said:
Don’t worry.
Sadness brings rain,
and rain brings rainbows.
But I’ve stopped waiting
for colors to prove I’m real.
Now
I stay quiet.
I become
the one in the background.
Not gone,
just watching.
The NPC they never notice
until I speak.
And when I do
it will be truth
they won’t know how to carry.