Traveler in a Suitcase!

I'm still awake, doesn't mean i never sleep. It just that I have nothing to do tomorrow and i feel like i need to be productive at night.

I don't know what to do till i feel sleepy so i tried to make a poem (or something close to poem)

My mind was so complicated that to release the complicated mind, I wanted to write in order to releasing my stress.

October 5, 2019

When was the last time I ever feel this calm?

I met a good person

I've been thinking

All I wanna do is be peaceful to you
I wanna stop thinking lots of memories that I got
All I wanna do is be peaceful to you

You were afraid to change, yet you unknowingly changing
You are bad yet you are kind too
You’re spiraling

You have no excuses to be alive
Yet you’re still here
Why should I?

Who are you?

Time flies so fast, I still remember the first time I live here. I was a coward, I'm scared to be alone, I bought my lunch by myself. Went to Akihabara, Shibuya, alone

In the first month at school, I met my classmates, searched for a part-time job. My friends helped me a lot for a part-time job. BABY DON'T YOU TELL YOU COULD DO PART TIME JOB AND STUDYING JAPANESE. It was hard as hell. Or maybe I'm just not good at sparing my time for work and study. I even have no time to sleep for remembering the kanji.

But after a year and a half, I feel like I don't study quite well. I keep having trouble with remembering grammar and kanji. Then I just gave up and just hanging out with my friends. Because when you got desperate with study thingy, we need to think again about how we could learn with other techniques.

I keep talking talking talking till I know how to use the pronunciation, how people speak their language, and somehow I learned Japanese joke a little. It might not help my proficiency test but at least it made me make some kind of bonding with my friends. Because I speak their language they started to be open more. Such as my Japanese best friend, we started to speak English at first, but since Japanese is her first language we kinda shared lots like lots of things since it's easier to speak in their language.

I feel like I found my home, IT WAS TOUGH. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an unbreakable woman. I'm quite weak. But Tokyo is really

feels like a home to me...


from nothing, I found my best friend, friends. I can't believe I could get lots lots of love from them.
I really wish I could stay here like forever. I wanna get a job but somehow I can't get it. I think my efforts are just not enough.

I did lots of Job Hunting but turns out my Japanese is not enough. It never gets enough as I always been lacking the sort of difficulties in remembering something. But it's fine, there are lots of people who could be going back to Japan after they returned to their home country.

I will try to not arguing with my future, I will try to love everything that happens from now on
How I got depressed, how I get sick, how I get loved, how I got hated, how I got happy, I'm currently busy at the moment. and I'm learning to deal with it

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3回目の桜、また来年🙂 📸: @toegiono #tokyolife #東京 #桜 #花見

A post shared by 유잌켈 (@ikkelio) on Apr 2, 2019 at 4:08am PDT

This is going to be the last sakura, I'm emotionally not okay with this
Starting this month I'm going to leave Tokyo and moving back to Indonesia
I hope it will go well

I hope
I'm still enjoying life at the moment

I don’t understand the meaning of love when all that you could feel is hatred

You might think you could forget the things that hurt you
But it lingers and won’t be healed

Let you stay for about a year, and so on

It will be your biggest trauma

And it won’t be gone

Wish I could be strong and fix it
Does not mean 

As a language student in Tokyo, I’m currently on 冬休み or which I could say winter vacation. My friends went skiing places, they traveling to the north such as Aomori, Hokkaido, or Nikko for the nearest place from Tokyo