Goodbye Tokyo: Last Sakura, Wrong Trains, and Learning to Stay in a Sentence🌸
4:15 PMGoodbye Tokyo: Last Sakura, Leaving Japan After School, Finding Home in the Chaos
A candid, witty farewell to Tokyo.
A candid, witty farewell to Tokyo.
From wrong trains and convenience-store onigiri to friendships, language fumbles, and one last Sakura. Reflections on leaving Japan and moving home.
Time flies, doesn’t it?
Waktu berlalu begitu cepat, ya?
Feels like yesterday I landed in Tokyo: wide-eyed, terrified, clutching convenience-store onigiri like it was emotional support food. I couldn’t order lunch without rehearsing five times.
Rasanya baru kemarin aku mendarat di Tokyo: mataku terbelalak, ketakutan, menggenggam onigiri minimarket seolah-olah itu makanan penenang emosi. Aku tak bisa memesan makan siang tanpa berlatih lima kali.
I got lost in Shibuya. Twice. Bought the wrong train ticket. Twice. Cried once. (Okay, three times. Silently. I’m a professional.)
Aku tersesat di Shibuya. Dua kali. Salah beli tiket kereta. Dua kali. Menangis sekali. (Oke, tiga kali. Diam-diam. Aku profesional.)
First month of school, I smiled like I belonged. Took a million photos. Memorized names I don’t remember. Everyone else looked certain, so I faked certainty. Worked part-time, forgot how to sleep, crammed kanji like my brain had a warranty.
Bulan pertama sekolah, aku tersenyum seolah-olah aku milik orang lain. Mengambil sejuta foto. Menghafal nama-nama yang tak kuingat. Semua orang tampak yakin, jadi aku berpura-pura yakin. Bekerja paruh waktu, lupa cara tidur, menghafal kanji seolah otakku masih bergaransi.
Honestly? Brutal.
Jujur? Brutal.
So I laughed.
Because what else do you do when you’re drowning in grammar and identity.
Because what else do you do when you’re drowning in grammar and identity.
Jadi saya tertawa saja.
Karena apa lagi yang Anda lakukan ketika Anda tenggelam dalam tata bahasa dan identitas.
Karena apa lagi yang Anda lakukan ketika Anda tenggelam dalam tata bahasa dan identitas.
Somewhere between the vending machines and the last train, I stopped trying to be a top student and tried being human instead. I learned how Japanese jokes land, how silence answers questions better than words, how friendship doesn’t need volume to be true.
Di suatu tempat antara mesin penjual otomatis dan kereta terakhir, aku berhenti berusaha menjadi siswa berprestasi dan mencoba menjadi manusia. Aku belajar bagaimana lelucon Jepang itu tepat sasaran, bagaimana diam menjawab pertanyaan lebih baik daripada kata-kata, bagaimana persahabatan tak butuh volume untuk menjadi nyata.
My Japanese still trips, but I learned how to stay in a sentence long enough for someone to trust me.
Bahasa Jepang saya masih terputus-putus, tetapi saya belajar bagaimana bertahan dalam sebuah kalimat cukup lama agar seseorang dapat memercayai saya.
And then Tokyo started to fit.
not perfectly, but the way broken things still find a corner.
Dan kemudian Tokyo mulai cocok.
tidak sempurna, tapi benda yang rusak masih menemukan sudutnya.
I made friends, real ones.
We shared hotpot, bad karaoke, and awkward confessions. They loved me, or the version of me I was building here.
Close enough.
Saya berteman, Yang asli.
Kami berbagi hotpot, karaoke yang buruk, dan pengakuan yang canggung. Mereka mencintaiku, atau versi diriku yang sedang kubangun di sini.
Cukup dekat.
But now, I’m leaving.
This month I move back to Indonesia. New chapter, right? Fresh start, better mindset, adult decisions.
(That’s the brochure.)
Tapi sekarang, aku akan pergi.
Bulan ini aku kembali ke Indonesia. Babak baru, kan? Awal yang baru, pola pikir yang lebih baik, keputusan yang dewasa.
(Itu brosurnya.)
Truth is… this might be my last sakura.
And I’m not ready to let go. Not of the language, not of the streets I kept getting lost in, not of the version of me that only existed in this city.
Sejujurnya… ini mungkin sakura terakhirku.
Dan aku belum siap untuk melepaskannya. Bukan karena bahasanya, bukan karena jalanan yang terus membuatku tersesat, bukan karena versi diriku yang hanya ada di kota ini.
It hurts.
But hey, I’m still smiling.
Itu menyakitkan.
Tapi, hei, aku masih tersenyum.
Because sadness looks better with a filter and a punchline.
And I’m really good at both.
Karena kesedihan terlihat lebih baik dengan filter dan lucunya.
Dan saya sangat ahli dalam keduanya.
— Ikkel Y.
What Tokyo Taught Me (that textbooks didn’t)
- Silence speaks. If you wait, it answers.
- Onigiri qualifies as emotional support. Especially at 11:58 p.m.
- Being lost is a personality trait. Accept and proceed to Exit B3.
- Friends can be quiet and still be home.
- Fluency isn’t perfect grammar; it’s staying long enough to listen
If You’re About to Leave Japan (and are not ready)
- Take the train one stop past your station on purpose. Let the city say goodbye first.
- Print the photos. Phones are traitors.
- Learn one neighborhood by smell. Keep that map in your head.
- Write down names. Future-you will forget, love them anyway.
Leaving Tokyo after school was messy. Wrong trains, late shifts, kanji meltdowns.
But I found home in the chaos, real friends, and a way to stay in a sentence. Heading back to Indonesia now.
One last sakura, not ready to let go.
I’ll laugh while it aches.
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