Insomnia Log: Hikikomori Training Arc, Snack-Based Meals, and Feelings at 4AM

1:10 AM

It’s hard to sleep. My brain is a laundry basket of thoughts and the machine’s stuck on spin.

I’m running on 3–4 hours a night, which turns my personality into PMS with wi-fi.

I keep “sleeping” 7am → 11am and, between midnight and dawn, I lie in bed doing nothing—just me and the ceiling fan, enemies to lovers to enemies.

Maybe I need a holiday. Maybe I need a switch-off.

I’ve been away from my phone. Once upon a time I was married to Snapchat; then I woke up one day and said, “meh.” I still post, but it takes a century. Proud of me. Terrified of me.

The combo of phone detox + not going out turned me lightly hikikomori. I still see friends, but with no sleep I become baper/lebay/drama queen on fast-forward. People get tired; I retreat; the cycle continues.

So I stayed home. I stocked food like winter was coming. I cooked. Then I remembered cooking is not my ministry.

Sometimes I just eat snacks and call it tapas.

The thing on the right is curry, not p***.

It looks like a threat; tastes fine. Especially mixed with mayo.

My “healthy routine” became a junky routine. Character development?

Speaking of junky: I miss FamilyMart beef jerky in Japan. (Junky ≠ jerky, I know, but my heart heard a rhyme.) I miss holidays. I should be working on my assignment, but inspiration is at the spa.

If I don’t change my daily routine, my face will unlock granny mode ahead of schedule. I’m kidding. (I am not kidding.)

What’s (kind of) helping

Phone curfew after midnight (airplane mode; let the void talk to itself)
20-minute body scan or stretches in the dark—pretend it’s yoga, don’t check
Warm carb + protein at night (not just snacks, future me)
Morning sun for 10 minutes; no coffee after 2pm; water like it’s a job
Low-stakes tasks at 3 - 4am (fold laundry, prep rice, not life decisions)

What I’ll try next

Consistent sleep window, even if it’s bad at first
White noise or rain videos on you tube instead of doom scrolling
Batch-cook edible things so snacks aren’t my meal plan
One walk a day to keep the goblins down

sleep soon (manifesting),

ikkel

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