When I keep thinking about the past, I know I'm still regretting what I did in the past. I feel restless, the memories are like a movie that keeps representing in my mind. My past was great but also put me into despair. I wish I could only remember good memories and burns the bad ones. I wish this does not affect the present me.

But no, my memories were too strong and it truly affected me in the present



I keep telling myself, I'm learning from my past. Sometimes my past was affecting my mental issues. All I can do is only stop thinking until it passes by




All I need to now is only being grateful, 

grateful for being who I am now

grateful for still being alive until now

grateful because you are still surviving from your present life now



I also need to thank you to my precious people that still stand with me until now, who keep believing and acknowledge me as who I am till now



I am wishing not to feel bad from what I have been done in the past. It's my choice to choose a new life instead of being in the circle of my past. 

I have to believe, this is just a beginning. 
I need to believe, this won't end like what it feels like in the past.



It's okay if I feel down and feel like left alone. I will always do my best to live

and when I fall, I need to stand again

because this life is tough for us to handle

my tears will never stop falling

but my heart is getting tougher every day



and I believe I could survive

Let me live as a new person

Let me live seeing wonderful people that still dancing happily in this cruel world

Let me live seeing the precious ones that still need me even I'm nothing in their eyes

Let me live to see me getting better and sober day by day



It's okay if you feel like you're regretting your past, but you are granted a new life. A better one



Don't ever give up on yourself, because of only you who knows how precious you are in this world

I mean it

-Ikkel-