Random, but: Day 1 of My “Be a Lettuce” Era 🥬

5:50 AM

Not random (for once): I, a professional napper, am… on a diet.

Yes, that face you’re imagining (　ﾟдﾟ) is exactly mine.

Gained 3–4 kg over holiday mode (activity: sleeping, browsing, chewing), so I declared: 1200 kcal/day.

Bold.

Terrifying.

Potentially illegal in my house.

The chaotic plan

Calories: 1200-ish (with forgiveness).
Movement: did 25 squats and immediately wrote a memoir.
Hydration: water like it’s gossip.
Sleep: apparently matters more than my feelings.

Reality check (from Future Me who has Wi-Fi and regrets)

1200 can work short term, but if I turn feral around 10pm, I’ll bump to 1400–1500 and walk it off.

Hunger ≠ personality trait.

A not-terrible 1200 day (example)

Breakfast: Greek yogurt (150g) + banana + 1 tbsp peanut butter (~350 kcal)
Lunch: Rice bowl — 120g rice, sautéed veg, 1 egg, chili oil whisper (~450 kcal)
Snack: Apple + 10 almonds (~170 kcal)
Dinner: Tofu or chicken salad, sesame dressing (~300 kcal)
Emergency: tea/coffee with a splash of milk (and sheer will)

Tiny rules I won’t hate (probably)

Plate = ½ veg, ¼ protein, ¼ carbs.
Protein every meal (egg, tofu, chicken, tempeh).
Walk 20–30 mins daily; squats when my brain is buffering.
No “start over Monday.” If I yeet a croissant today, I just eat normal at the next meal.

Meanwhile, in alternate reality…

I’m playing LINE games till midnight, designing an avatar who’s hotter, taller, and mysteriously rich. She eats air. I eat crackers. Balance.

New semester starter pack

Assignments: incoming.

Me: doing meal prep like a responsible raccoon.

If you’ve got non-miserable weight-loss tips, drop them. If not, send memes and a reminder to stand up every hour. We move. 💪✨

Ikkel

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